Friday, February 20, 2015

Preganacy after stillbirth: 13 weeks 5 days

I'm getting confused with dates.  I keep thinking I'm further ahead than I am, or that I'm at 37 weeks.  Clearly I'm not at 37 weeks, but my head can't seem to grasp the actual date.  Each Friday, as the week rolls into the next one, I am certain of the date, by Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I am lost again, time just rolls on and everything is a blur.  I could be at any stage.

I have begun to rub my belly, even though the bump is all stomach and other organs.  My uterus has expanded above my pubic bone, yes, but 98% of the bump is just me.  I'm intrigued by how my growing belly feels, but also I desperately want to be rubbing it feeling the baby.  I have quite a way to go until that happens.  With C, I don't think I started rubbing my belly until the third trimester.  I found myself doing it unconsciously.  I guess it instinctively soothes us and the baby when they are big enough to be moving round and really changing our shape.

Which brings me onto movements.  Some women can feel their second children move from 14 weeks.  I am desperate to feel this one move.  And scared, because when they start moving they can stop.

I have been paying such close attention to my womb area this last-nearly-week.  On Monday it felt tight a couple of times.  Not like cramping or contractions, but kind of full, and full of pressure.  And it wasn't my bladder.  I have been very aware of any bubble sensations in my abdomen, but they have all been so high up my torso, its definitely not happening in my uterus.

On one occasion where I think I've felt a bubble in my womb area, I don't know if it's wishful thinking or plain old run of the mill pregnancy gas.  With C I was pretty sure that what I was feeling was movements, and that was at 16-17 weeks.  So I expect that I'll def be feeling movements at 16 weeks with this one, but hopefully I'll start feeling something next week.  Just a little nudge here and there to tell me they are doing OK, that they are still around.

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