Thursday, November 23, 2023


 4 weeks since my surgery. Healing going well.

Chronically understimulated. Going to a textile art exhibition now, with a new friend.  Nervous. 

Utterly bored with doing the same things in the city for years on end, yet apprehensive and scared about doing new things. Hobbies and telly at home are driving me spare, craving seeing new people, yet also want leaving alone in peace and quiet.

Am preparing conversation topics in my head and thinking how to mentally prepare myself for a busy building, with loud talking and potentially no areas to sit down. Whilst also wanting new experiences.

Listening to music to regulate myself, and brought spinning to do in a cafe first. Also have PTerry's autobiography to read, but am concerned about it leaving me emotionally open and overwhelmed, even though I'm otherwise feeling numb and stuck.

I swear to gods, autism and ADHD can be a terrible combination.

Wednesday, October 11, 2023

I finished The Walking Dead

And dear gods that was a chore.

First few seasons were good enough. Andrew Lincoln as Rick Grimes was mesmerising. Lauren Cohan as Maggie was really good and mesmerising as notBela Talbot.

It was getting dull by season 6, I only held on till 8 to watch JDM as Negan.  Negan turned out to be an utterly sociopathic maniac, and then hit a redemption arc that was thoroughly unsatisfying, because he had been so bloody awful. The show kept him on because JDM is popular.

As for the final season.....

Too many people.  Princess was underused.  Had enough stories of new communities being evil and failing.  They wait till the last two episodes to have the zombies evolve, climbing walls and using tools. Such a bloody waste.  Esp since it seemed we'd get more interesting zombies back when the whisperers were introduced. Judith's voiceovers for the last few eps were quite cringey.

The good things I can say are that they don't kill any babies or toddlers, ever, the survivors of the apocalypse are a nice diverse mix - gay people, women,many different races, and a native deaf ASL user, played by a Deaf, native ASL using actress. Connie and her sister Kelly are great.

However I ain't interested in watching a show with good rep when the story is crap.

It's just such an utterly miserable,negative story when over and over you get a group of good ppl getting fucked over by evil people.

So the end episode made it all seem happy with everyone settling at Alexandria, but it's such an obvious wrap-up episode it doesn't feel like a good story.

And that Michonne/Rick/whole group montage at the end? Come on.... It's so obviously set up for spin offs. Boring. 

Saturday, August 26, 2023

The Walking Dead

 Started watching this. Many years late, obvs, because I'm still utterly bloody minded and won't watch something everyone else is raving about. That, and I didn't care much for the comics.

Anyway. My Supernatural obsession is still alive and kicking, and I heard Jeffery Dean Morgan is in TWD so I looked it up.

JDM doesn't turn up till season 7.  However, Andrew Lincoln is the lead. Lincoln will always be Egg from This Life to me, so it's well eerie to watch him with an American accent. Much like discovering Lovejoy playing Odin.

Now on Se4 and they've got a plague. Did everything predict the fucking pandemic??!! 

Wednesday, August 23, 2023

Matilda the musical

 Went to see Matilda the musical today. It was alright - suffered from a lack of audience atmosphere, not sure why, maybe the heat.

Miss Trunchbull was played by a man. I have a big problem with this. In the book she's a butch, lesbian PE teacher caricature and it's uncomfortable to read. In the musical film, Emma Thompson makes her a bit more well rounded, less caricature like.

I feel like having her played by a man feeds into the duke PE teacher caricature, and ideas of butch lesbians wanting to be men. It reduces the range of what a woman can be. It was very distasteful.

I think Matilda is autistic, or can be read as such. 

Saturday, August 19, 2023


 I feel the need to scream into the void and am wondering if I should use this again. Given that twatter has gone to shit, and I'm not sure I can be arsed to move to a similar platform.

I definitely need somewhere to spew anxiety and anger out. 

Thursday, June 24, 2021

My Bloody Valentine 2009 live blog

I am watching the 2009 horror film starring Jensen Ackles, feeding my uber crush on him and my SPN obsession.

I am suffering cognitive dissonance through the name of the film and the setting. It's in a bleeding mine. It feels strange because there's really nowt valentiney about it.

There's a nice level of ridic horror gore - eyeball destruction and shovels through necks et cetera.  It's weird seeing a young Ackles. Weird seeing him not playing Dean. 

Oh my gods why is the copper leaving the kid in the house with the serial killer?! 

I'm sure by now in a movie we usually know more about the murderer's motivation...

Oh great, some classic blaming of the psychologically unwell. Jeez. That should tell you the purported good guy is a bad guy. At least it would in non movie land.

I tell you what, I'm not feeling particularly invested in the storyline here. So many questions unanswered. Why did Warden go on a killing spree? How did Tom decide Axel is the killer? Is the lead character Axel or Tom? Who am I rooting for?! Maybe there are two killers... Maybe it's Tom... 

Oh it is Tom, but he doesn't know he's doing it. There were not enough hints leading up to this to make it scary! 

I am well up for watching Ackles play dangerous guys. There's not enough scenes of him being dangerous in this...and not enough of him being bruised and bloody. Although the very last scene is rather hot. 

Speaking of obsessions, I was rewatching Buffy eps last week.  Man, they are still SO good.  Especially the musical one.

I finished my SPN Se1 - 14 rewatch a month or so ago.  I'm not quite strong enough to watch Se15 again.  The rewatch face me a better handle on how the seasons flow, and now I'm itching to rewatch specific eps. 

Saturday, May 29, 2021

Supernatural Season 4 write up

Hmm. The time stamp on this says that I wrote it in February 2021 but didn't hid publish.  I see that the notes are all completed apart from the last two eps, but as per usual I'm tired and don't want to look up the ep summaries and write more, so I'll publish it without those two summaries.

I watched season 4 over the Summer and was so stressed by the pandemic, and I was enjoying the episodes so much, that I didn't write up any notes on the episodes.  So I am doing it now, with the help of the Supernatural Fandom Wiki, and by watching it again, because I find it find it difficult to retain details.

Lazarus Rising
Dean comes back from hell, Bobby tests him, Sam tests him, Ruby has switched meatsuits and we see her with Sam, but we don't know it's Ruby at this point in the episode, it comes later.  Demons come after the brothers and Dean works out that they won't hurt him, because they are scared of Castiel.  Which reminds me, that this is Cas' first appearance.  It's pretty dramatic.

Stellar ep - 9/10.

Are you there God? It's me, Dean Winchester 
Dean is trying to understand the existence of angels.  Ghosts of folk hunters couldn't save are killing hunters - these are witnesses, those that manifest to herald the apocolypse, and are the first seal.  Bobby's panic room makes an appearence.  I did not remember any of this detail.  It's clearly an important ep in the mytharc but didn't make much impact on me.

In the beginning
Time travel - Cas sends Dean back to 1973 and he meets his parents.  He realises that Mary is a hunter and assists Mary and Samuel on a case involving Azazel.  Dean gets the colt, tells Samuel that it can kill Azazel, but Azazel possesses Samuel.  Azazel kills Samuel, Deanna and John and makes a deal with Mary to bring John back if he can visit her son in 10 years.  the deal is creepy because Azazel is possessing Samuel and you seal the deal with a kiss.  Season 4 - back when demons were creepy.

Good for the character moments and the history of the family.

I am told that this was originally to be shown after Monster Movie, but there was concern that there would be too much angst if they did In the Beginning/Monster Movie/Metamorphosis/Yellow Fever.

Dean finds out about Sam's demon exorcising powers and that he's working with Ruby.  Dean is not impressed.  The case is a fella turning into a rugaru - another hunter killed his dad knot knowing his mum was pregnant with him.
At the end Sam says he will stop using his powers, leading to fans to infer that he is stopping drinking demon blood.  The blood drinking timeline is all a bit woolly.

Monster Movie
I am told that this was originally to be shown after episode 2 but there was concern that there would be too much angst if they did Are you there God, Monster Movie, In the Beginning, Metamorphosis, Yellow Fever, so Monster Movie was switched to be shown after metamorphosis.   As if we aren't in it for the angst.

The boys go to Oktoberfest and deal with a case of movie monsters killing folk - werewolf, vampire, mummy.  It's a shapeshifter.  Dean prepares to get rid of his resurrected virginity.

Great fun episode, 10/10.

Yellow Fever
I really don't like the title of this episode, it has somewhat racist connotations and it makes me uncomfortable.
Dean contract ghost sickness which kills the infected person through fear - they end up having a heart attack.  He hallucinates Lilith and hell things, and yellow eyed Sam.  Bobby and Sam work to kill the ghost that infected Dean, and they do so by dragging it behind a truck until it dissipates.  This is a questionable plot decision.

Dean's fear of everything does remind me of the Red Dwarf episode Emohawk: Polymorph 2, where the Cat loses his coolness and Rimmer his bitterness, and the Better than Life book where Lister loses his fear, the Cat his ego, Kryten his guilt and Rimmer his rage.

6/10.  Would be higher without the questionable race bits.

10/10 for the Jensen Ackles lip synching to Eye of the Tiger at the end bit.

It's the great pumpkin, Sam Winchester
This is part monster of the week, part mytharc.  It's Halloween and two weird deaths lead the brothers to investigate, it seems a high school girl or a teacher could be the witch responsible.  The boys discover that the murders are sacrifices to raise Samhain, a big bad demon.  The boys pronounce Samhain wrong, it's very irritating.  There's some good explanation of the origins of Halloween practices, with some SPN type lore thrown in.

Castiel and Uriel show up, it's Sam's first time meeting Cas (or any other angel) and he's adorably awestruck.  The angels tell the brothers that the raising of Samhain is one of the seals, and that they want to destroy the town and all human inhabitants to stop Samhain. The bros say no, of course, and at the end Cas reveals that their orders were to follow the brothers' lead, whatever that may be.  A test of his steadiness under battlefield conditions, according to the super wiki..  Of course a test, because gods the world over like setting tests for humanity. Harrumph.

Great episode, 8/10.

Wishful Thinking
Definite monster of the week episode.  People's wishes start granted in a town.  It turns out to be a magic coin from Babylonia (?) thrown into a wishing well, so all wishes made afterwards come true.  Then the wishes go bad - Dean wishes for a giant sandwich and gets food poisoning, a little girl wishes her teddy bear was big and could talk, and the bear ends up utterly depressed and shoots itself, but doesn't die.  A little boy wishes for super powers and delight of all delights, utters the immortal phrase Kneel before Todd.  I got giddy.  Someone wins the lottery.  A teenage boy has wished himself invisible so he can spy in the girls showers.

The original wisher is a fella named Wes who wished that a woman Hope would fall in love with him.  She does, but there is nothing else to her apart from her obsessive love.  When she realises that the boys want Wes to reverse the spell, she wishes that Sam gets killed, and he gets struck by lightning.

Once the coin is removed from the well all wishes are reversed - the teddy bear is a normal teddy bear again, with a bandage over his head where his stuffing is falling out, and Sam is alive again.

At the very end Dean admits to Sam that he remembers hell but he refuses to talk about it.

9/10.  I really like this episode.

I Know What You Did Last Summer
There is a lot going on in this episode.  Anna the angel in disguise is introduced - I love her and the way the actress plays her.  She's ace.  This ep is also the one where we start to discover what Sam did when Dean was dead - i.e. got together with Ruby.  Sam was a total mess when Dean died.  It's a great performance.
I think this is the first mention of angel radio.  it's definitely the first appearance of Alastair.  there' a pretty good scene where Sam is sewing up his cut arm and then puts Dean's dislocated shoulder back.  the arm blood/wound/stitches would normally trigger me but it does not.

8/10 - I love Anna's storyline, Alastair's arrival and Sam's flashbacks.

Heaven and Hell
An angel  episode.  I never seem to have a good memory of this but I do enjoy watching it.
We get to see how much contempt most of the angels have for humanity.  With the help of Pamela, Anna regains her memories and plans to get her grace back.  There's a demon/angel showdown and Anna banishes the angels, and herself.  Dean confesses his time in hell and that it was 40 years, not 4 months.


Family remains
Oooh this is such a good episode.  It's full on horror where the monsters are humans, a-la The Benders.  A family move cross country to a farmhouse, Helen Slater is the mother, where the boys are investigating a death.  The family get terrorised by what turns out to be two kids who live the walls and cellar.  Their mother killed herself after their birth as the kids' father is her father.  The now grown up kids killed their father/grandfather, which brought the boys to the town. 

10/10, I love this episode.

Criss Angel is a Douchebag
Monster of the week episode where 3 older stage magicians feel put out by younger, fancier magicians (with eyeliner).  One of them does a spell to gain immortality.
The supernatural fandom wiki tells me Ruby turns up at the end and Sam agrees to her plan, but as I don't remember this but I'm not going to expand on it.

After School Special
The boys investigate a case at one of their old schools - a ghost is killing people.  We get flashbacks to the TeenChesters and Dean rakes a job as a PE teacher, wearing a fetching shorts and headband combo.

9/10, great fun.

Sex & Violence
This is the Siren episode.  The Siren takes the form of a perfect brother figure for Dean and sets the boys on each other.

10/10 for the codependency.

Death Takes a Holiday
There's a town where nobody is dying. It turns out that Alastair has been kidnapping the reapers in order to break another seal.  The boys enlist the help of Pamela to send them spirit walking so they can find the reapers.  I think this counts as them dying... 
Pamela gets killed by a demon.

On the head of a pin
Angels are being killed and Castiel and Uriel ask the brothers for help to work out who is doing it.  Dean is convinced to torture Alastair for information, however Alastair tells Dean that he broke the first seal when he, a sarighteous man, shed blood in hell.  Alastair escapes and beats Dean, Sam arrives and uses his powers to kill him, after Alastair says it's no the demons who are killing the angels.
We discover Uriel is the traitor and he is on Lucifer's side.  As Cas is havign doubts uriel tries to recruit him.  Anna kills Uriel.

It's A Terrible Life
Smith and Wesson AU, where Zachariah is introduced.

The monster at the end of this book
The Supernatural books are introduced and the boys discover slash.  Chuck as prophet is introduced.  Prophets are protected by archangels (but we don't know which one) so Dean decides to use Chuck as bait to get Lilith killed.  It doesn't quite work.

Jump the shark
Adam is introduced.  I love Adam.

The Rapture
Castiel leaves Jimmy's body (heaven has dragged him home), Jimmy heads back to his family, Sam is carrying around demon blood and having withdrawal.  Anna turns up in the back of the car.  We see how Jimmy said yes to Castiel and we see him go home to his wife and daughter, but it's a trap and there's demons all around.  In one of the final scenes Sam gets a demon on the floor and drinks their blood.  Vampire fans will like this scene.  Castiel has possessed Claire and Jimmy convinces Cas to take him instead.
Dean and Bobby trick Sam into Bobby's panic room so they can detox him from demon blood.