Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Pregnancy after stillbirth: 23 weeks 4 days

Anxiety is returning the day after I felt quite positive.

I'm on the way to my other office location which involves a 2.5 hour train ride.  Every time I wake up I have to assess the baby for health and movements and make a decision as to whether I need to call the midwife.  When I'm doing this journey I have 30 minutes to decide, before I leave the house and get on the train.

Once I'm on the train it's much harder for me to get a hospital, and when I'm at this office it's a 45 ish minute car journey to a hospital. In my local office it's 15 minutes.

I don't know how much longer I'll feel psychologically comfortable doing this journey. I think I have 7 trips to go before I go on maternity leave, if I go down every week.

I don't want to be at work anyway. I want to stay at home and be able to just focus on the baby.

As I've typed this the baby has moved, kicked. So I felt reassured for a few seconds. But not for long. Now I'm anxious again. I'm not sure if movements will change with these journies and the only way to find out is to do them but I don't want to have to find out.

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