I've come to realise that one of the reasons I have absolute faith in my medical team is because I don't feel like I've got any choice not to have faith. If I thought the quality of care was sub standard, I just wouldn't cope.
I see other people's reports of their care and it is different. Care varies according to trust and your history so everyone's care plan is unique. But still, I see things that make me ask, briefly, why aren't I getting that, but then I push those thoughts down because I have no choice but to accept what I'm being given. I am comforted by the fact that the Eastern region has the second lowest stillbirth rate and as I know we have some terrible hospitals I figure mine must be pretty good to balance that out. Although I do wonder if perhaps we should move to the South West for the next few months (or Finland). I am semi serious.
I realised that I am cheered by my midwife treating my pregnancy as normal and healthy, and acting like this baby will live. It gives me a sense of perspective. I don't want to be wrapped in cotton wool, I don't think that's healthy and I think it could increase my anxiety. I need to do everything as normally as possible.
I remember this time last year, I was in the second tri, about to move into the third. During the first tri I was incredibly anxious and scared as I was having loads of cramps, and some spotting, and was convinced I'd miscarry. I the second tri my mood lifted and I was in a good mood for most of it (barring normal down days). Then in the thirs tri my mood crashed and I'd be sobbing for no reason. I wonder if hormones are giving me a positive feeling in this tri and if I will crash again in about 6 weeks. I wonder how I'll manage if that happens.
I really want to compare this baby's growth chart with C's growth chart, but I'm too scared to go in his memory box.
In body news, when I sit at a desk my bump is getting in the way. I am feeling distanced from the desk. How odd, and how early. I'm also getting regular, bad indigestion. Boo to that.
I see other people's reports of their care and it is different. Care varies according to trust and your history so everyone's care plan is unique. But still, I see things that make me ask, briefly, why aren't I getting that, but then I push those thoughts down because I have no choice but to accept what I'm being given. I am comforted by the fact that the Eastern region has the second lowest stillbirth rate and as I know we have some terrible hospitals I figure mine must be pretty good to balance that out. Although I do wonder if perhaps we should move to the South West for the next few months (or Finland). I am semi serious.
I realised that I am cheered by my midwife treating my pregnancy as normal and healthy, and acting like this baby will live. It gives me a sense of perspective. I don't want to be wrapped in cotton wool, I don't think that's healthy and I think it could increase my anxiety. I need to do everything as normally as possible.
I remember this time last year, I was in the second tri, about to move into the third. During the first tri I was incredibly anxious and scared as I was having loads of cramps, and some spotting, and was convinced I'd miscarry. I the second tri my mood lifted and I was in a good mood for most of it (barring normal down days). Then in the thirs tri my mood crashed and I'd be sobbing for no reason. I wonder if hormones are giving me a positive feeling in this tri and if I will crash again in about 6 weeks. I wonder how I'll manage if that happens.
I really want to compare this baby's growth chart with C's growth chart, but I'm too scared to go in his memory box.
In body news, when I sit at a desk my bump is getting in the way. I am feeling distanced from the desk. How odd, and how early. I'm also getting regular, bad indigestion. Boo to that.
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